It’s my distinct impression that it’s not the done thing to be thoroughly negative about bikram unless you have a tidy little punchline to wrap it all up and affirm your choice to be a yogi. I’m not being snide, it’s how venting with humour works – it’s its function and its purpose. Whole careers are based on a clever turn of phrase and the ability to do that. That is not what this is.
In class this past fortnight I’ve been thinking very seriously about giving up. Throughout yesterday’s class I was just plain angry, I certainly wasn’t doing any yoga. There was some of it today, too, but mostly today I was wondering about why I was in class at all. I’m so sick of it – sick of working so hard and getting nowhere. Sick and tired and fed up that I can’t get my forehead to my knee; I can only reach my heels in floor bow half the time and I can’t do spine twist with my feet in the right place. Mostly I’m sick and tired of being convulsed by floods of tears every time I go into a forward bend. I’m all for confrontation and release but if there’s no resolution to it then why am I putting myself through it?
I’m basically angry and fed up and frustrated that my body isn’t changing fast enough and the yoga is pretty much only theoretical for most of the time.
I guess all I have going for me at the moment is that I’m really stubborn and I don’t actually plan on giving up. But if I had known it would be this miserable I wouldn’t have started. I’m sorry that this isn’t more upbeat but I promised myself when I started this blog that it would be brutally honest because anything else would be meaningless.